I Want It To End!
by DemonBlade
Summary: Kagome had an encounter with Kikyo that made her snap. She's been acting depressed and is probably suicidal. Then everything goes from bad to worse when she tries to drown her sorrows at a bar!
1. Kikyo

I Want It To End! By: DemonBlade  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Kikyo.  
  
That name plagues me.  
  
All I hear is Kikyo.  
  
To Inuyasha, I am Kikyo. "Kikyo was.." "Kikyo could..." "You'll never be as good as Kikyo!"  
  
Surprised I have any self-esteem left? So am I.  
  
Well, today I had a nice chat with my counterpart. Here's what happened.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~FLASHBACK~~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kiyo walked up to me, her strange little soul stealing...things floating around her like a second skin. Swirling there...She had a look on her face that screamed contempt. She stood there with those dead, gray eyes of hers. Just gazing that unnerving gaze.  
  
She spoke to me in a dead voice, "I see you are alone. That is good."  
  
I stared at her, scared...nervous. I'd never admit it, but she scared the hell outta me. "Oh?"  
  
"I want my soul back. I have been generous, letting you have that part of my soul. Now, I have come to reclaim it. I have lent you a life long enough."  
  
"I am not YOU!! I am 'KAGOME'!"  
  
"Yes you are."  
  
She started chanting something. A spell. I was enveloped in a glowing blue orb. Then black.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~FLASHBACK~~*~*~*~*~  
  
I woke up. No Kikyo in sight.  
  
I still feel whole. Sort of.  
  
I'm me still but I can't keep this up, ya know? She comes almost twice as often as she used to. I can't take it any more. I want it to end. I want to end it all!  
  
I want to die. Or kill. I wanna tear something to bits. Can you do that to a doll? A doll with a sole named Hatred?!  
  
I want it all to end. Some day...some day...maybe it will...  
  
Review if ya want. Flame if ya want. Make suggestions if ya want. Do jack shit if ya want. Reviews are most welcomed. 


	2. The Talk

I Want This To End!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
I walked back to Kaede-ba-chan's hut slowly. Kikyo finally did it. I don't want this anymore! I arrived at the small hut and walked in where I was greeted my Miroku- sama, Sango-chan, Shippo-chan, Kaede-ba-chan, and.....Inuyasha.....  
  
Miroku-sama grinned a greeting and i nodded twords him. Sango-chan said hello and noted that I was a little pale and was I sick? No I told her. Shippo-chan bounced outta nowhere and hugged me around my neck. No, not a hug. A choke hold. If he squized just a little more and for a little while longer I'll be de-wait..WHAT IN THE HELLS IS WRONG WITH ME!?!? What am I thinking....? Breath in, breath out. Good. Controled again. I planted a fake smile on my face. The type a barbie has. A happy looking smile that holds no emotion or feeling. Didja know I hate barbies?  
  
Sango started to talk. "We were worried! I mean, you could have had a run in with the dead bitc-I mean Kikyo...."  
  
My smile faltered. Think demented barbies, think demented barbies, think demented barbies.....  
  
"O-oh no, Sango-chan! I-I'm perfictly fine!" Yup, as fine as one gets when she just wished that a hug would get tight enough to cut off ones air supply. Uh-huh. Yah. Sure.  
  
Inuyasha noticed the falter in my voice and the waver in my smile. He stood up and walked over to me. He pulled at my shoulder, indicating that i should follow. I did. My legs seem to not want to listen to my brain.....  
  
OUTSIDE~~*  
  
Inuyasha stared at me with those peircing amber orbs he calls eyes. I love his eyes. I can't resist them either. I looked away.  
  
"You were with Kikyo," he stated. "You have her smell on you."  
  
"S-so....?"  
  
"Where is she?" Then as what seemed to be an after thought he asked,"Did anything bad happen?"  
  
"I dunno where she is....and nothing happened."  
  
"Don't lie to me, wench. Yuo smell bad when you lie," he stated  
  
"I thought I smelled bad in general," I said, trying to change the topic.  
  
"You do bu-HEY! Don't go trying to change the topic on me, girl! Answer my question!"  
  
Damn. It was worth a shot thought.  
  
"What question?" I asked inocently.  
  
"What. Happened. With. Kikyo?" he gritted out through clenched teeth.  
  
"I-I...nothing!"  
  
"Kagome..." he growled dangerously.  
  
"Seriously! Nothing happened!!" I yelled franticly.  
  
He stared at me hard and then sighed. "Fine. Whatever. You'll tell me. Eventually." With that he walked away.  
  
I stared at his dissapearing back and colapsed, crying.  
  
  
  
Please review. 


	3. Going Home

I Want This To End!  
  
Chapter 3 is dedicated to one of my best friends Sam! Good luck with soccer!  
  
  
  
It's night. Wonderful night. So peaceful. So calming. So alone. Good. I'm thinking about Kikyo How do her words effect me so....HOW?! But it's all true....isn't it? I'm just an imitation....a bad imitation at that. Why did I have to get pulled down this freaking well?! WHY?!.......I'm crying. Again. No more tears. That's what I want. No more tears. No more cause for tears. But as long as I'm hear.....I'll keep crying. Kikyo is better than me. She's smart, beautiful, deadly, a GOOD miko....holds Inuyasha's heart. Maybe I should go home for a while...just a day or two tops.  
  
I headed back to the hut.  
  
Once there I told every one who was there that I was heading home. Wonder where Dog-boy is.....  
  
My legs started moving and I suddenly found myself at the Bone-eater's Well.. Maybe it'll help. Suddenly Inuyasha popped outta nowhere. I knew it was to good to be true. To just be allowed to go home peacefully.  
  
He spoke.  
  
"And just where do ya think yer goin', girl?"  
  
I stared at him and then turned my head sideways. I responded, "I'm going home for a day or two, Inuyasha."  
  
He glared at me, "And why is that?"  
  
"I need a break," I responded weakly, remembering what happened that night with Kikyo. After that night I cold hardly look at him..  
  
"NO! We have to find the Tama," he yelled at me. "NOW! Before theat freakin' baboon gets it!"  
  
"That's all it ever is, isn't it," I asked, in a whispering voice. "What about me, huh? What about what I NEED?!" He took a step back, a shocked look on his face. "I NEED A DAMN BREAK!! I CAN'T DO THIS! I GOT HOMEWORK AND FRIENDS AND I CAN'T TAK IT ANYMORE," I screamed. "I CAN'T KEEP IT UP! IT HURTS TO MUCH!! It hurts t-to much." I was crying. I knew it.  
  
He got a semi-soft look on his face. "Kagome.what's wrong? What happened?"  
  
I knew what he meant by 'what happened?' He mean 'what happened with Kikyo?' "N-nothing." I whispered. Then I pushed passed him and jumped into the well. I ran to my room and flung myself onto my bed. I knew he wouldn't come yet. At least not until later.. I cried myself o sleep that night.  
  
  
  
HI! I know what you're thinking. What did Kiyko do to Kagome? That's the question on everyone's mind. Well lemme tell ya, it'll be waaaaay different than any other fics I've read. The answer'll be in either chapter 4 or 5. So till then. 


	4. Dreams and Truths

I Want This To End!  
  
AN: () = narration  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
~~~~DREAM SEQUENCE~~~~~  
  
Running. Running, running, running. Gotta get away. Have to get away! Oh man! Kikyo's right behind me!  
  
( Kikyo was chasing Kagome through Inuyasha Forest, trees whipping by them as they ran. )  
  
She'll kill me! I don't wanna die! Don't wanna, don't wanna, CAN'T GET CAUGHT!  
  
( Suddenly, in a burst of bluis silver light, Kagome was flung into the air  
  
and encircled in a glowing blue ball. )  
  
WTF?!  
  
( She banged on the bubble as Kikyo walked over. Kikyo began to laugh. )  
  
"You cheap imitation, I have a game to play," she said to me. "It's quite simple," she snapped her fingers and a clone of Inuyasha popped out of thin air, "Meet Inu. He'll be the one torturing you."  
  
( The evil Inuyasha look alike did just that for hours on end, and during the torture session Kikyo kept calling Inu Inuyasha, planting in Kagome's mind that Inuyasha was the one hurting her. When they finished Kikyo used a spell to rid Kagome of all signs of wounds but made it so that she could still feel the overwhelming pain. Kikyo mummbledan incantation that made Kagome remember in her subconscious but unable to place why she's scared Of Inuyasha. Kikyo and Inu vanished and they were replaced by Inuyasha)  
  
No! He'll hurt me again! "Get the hell away from me!!" Inuyasha's face was a mask of confusion and hurt ash he asked, "Kagome, what's wrong? Why are you scared of me?" NO! Run, run, run!  
  
( She ran and the earth fell out from under her. That's when she awoke.)  
  
~~~~~~~END DREAM SEQUENCE~~~~~~~  
  
I bolted out of bed. God that dream. So real....I know it's real! That has to be what that bitch did to me! But..just the sight of Inuyasha scares me now... God, what'll I do?! I love hom but I'm afraid of him! What'll I do..?  
  
  
  
Now ya'll know what happened. Was that evil enough fo ya? God, Kikyo's an evil psycho bitch, ne? REVIEW!! 


	5. From Bad to Worse

Hi everyone.... you have no idea whatsoever how sorry i am it took so long to write this.....none. I have had a MAJOR writer's block on this fic. I had no idea where to go from the preveous chapter. Now i do. Thank you so much for waiting. Also, my program with spell check is broken, so excuse poor spelling.  
  
Rei  
  
  
  
I Want It To End  
  
Chapter 5: Fom Bad to Worse  
  
  
  
I looked at the clock on my night stand. It's 10 pm. Mom and the others wouldn't be home for another hour or two because they were at Aunt Lara's. That's very good......very good. I stumbled out of bed, my memory-like dream still fresh in my head. That horrible copy of Inuyasha tearing at my flesh.....tearing at me. Telling me I'm useless. Saying I was dumb and weak and that I'd never be as good as Kikyo would......all in the real Inuyasha's voice. Oh God! I can't face him! I'll never be able to.....never.  
  
I clambered down the hall and nearly tripped down the stairs. Everything is a mess. Everything! I don't know what to do anymore! I just don't know! Nothing makes sence and noting is going right! While I opened the door to the laundry room, those thoughts went thru my head over and over and over. I pulled out an outfit I'd been hiding from Mom. It was a leather mini-skirt, a black tunic, a blood-red bodice, boots, and fishnet stockings. I'm going clubbing......a drink or two would take the Kikyo Incident off of my mind. A scotch or two would make me feel better......  
  
I dashed out of the front door, grabbing my jacket and purse from the coat- hanger as I passed by. I called down a cab, thinking about how many drinks a C-note would buy me. Thinking about Inuyasha, Kikyo, the Sengoku Jiai, that terrible experience with Inu......No! I'm going out to have fun, I reminded myself. To sing, dance, drink, grind, take all the pain away. But how was I to know that by predicament would go from bad to worse and from worse to horrible? How?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////////////O\\\\\\\\\\\\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At the club, The Paradise Kiss, the lights flashed and the music blared. Anything from Britney Spears to Metallica was played and everyone from Preps to Ravers were at The Paradise Kiss. I was lost in the rythm of the music, "Holyer Than Thou" blaring like on-going thunder. This guy pulled me towards him and started grinding against me. Eeeewwww. I pulled away from him and shoved him into the man standing next to us, who promptly started grinding up against him. Haha. Served the perv right!  
  
I weaved thru the dence crowd of sweeting lumps of flesh, making my way to the bar. I slid into a seat, shoulders haunched over while scanning the menu. Bloody Marry, scotch, Jack Daniels, Wild Turky, sake, voldka...what to have. I ordered voldka on the rocks and gulped it down. The cold liquid seared my throat and burnned my belly as I downed five more shots. Kikyo's face flashed in my head, her cruel grin gleaming. I shuddered. I waved the bar tender over and ordered a mug of beer. I downed that, and as the beverage washed down my throat so did my thoughts of the Kikyo Incident.  
  
I stood up and the room spun around me. God, I felt like I was going to puke. The bartender got up from behind the counter, leaveing the other tender alone. He stedied me as I was about to fall, holding me up as I giggled like a five year old getting a lolly-pop. He murmered something into my ear, the words muddled, my drunk brain not computing. So I just nodded and giggled as his face broke out into a grin.  
  
All I remember after that was going up a flight of stairs before I blacked out.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yea, I know, short. But at least I finally WROTE sumthing! PLEASE r&r!!!! 


	6. suicide

Last Time......  
I stood up and the room spun around me. God, I felt like I was going to puke. The bartender got up from behind the counter, leaving the other tender alone. He studied me as I was about to fall, holding me up as I giggled like a five year old getting a lolly-pop. He murmered something into my ear, the words muddled, my drunk brain not computing. So I just nodded and giggled as his face broke out into a grin.  
All I remember after that was going up a flight of stairs before I blacked out.  
I Want It To End  
Chapter 6: Suicide  
I woke up with my head pounding with pain. Where was I? That was what I wondered. I lifted my body up from my laying position, my body protesting as a jolt of pain ripped through me. What happened to me? I looked around the room with blurry eyes, taking everything in. A lamp, table, window with view of an ally....definately not my room. I looked next to me. There was something under the covers.....or someone by the shape. Oh. Me on bed with someone else. Not good, not good.  
Well, since this wasn't my house, it was not Souta sneaking in after a bad dream. And of course, considering the size of the bed-lump, it was NOT Buyo. He'd usually sleeps by my head, anyway. I peeled the blanket away from the forms body. It was a man. A nude man. Who was this nude man? I don't know. Fuck.  
I threw the rest of the comforter off of my body. I looked down. I was nude. My crotch was sore as were the rest of my body parts. Oh my god, I thought, I was raped. I got drunk and was raped. The words running through my head didn't really sink in until later. I was in shock as I fumbled around the room, gathering my clothes and putting them on. I walked quickly out the door of the small room, walked down the flight of stairs, and out a building. I realized I had just walked out of the night club I got drunk in yesterday. Wow, I didn't even leave the building and I was asaulted!  
I walked until I reached a bus stop and sat down on a worn bench to wait for a bus. That was when everything sunk in. I was raped. I went out to have some fun and I was raped. Silent tears coursed down my cheeks, marring my already disheveled complextion. How? Why me? Why?  
A bus pulled up. I stood up, almost loosing my balance as I walked onto the bus. I sat in the front seat that was empty. The bus started driving and I just stared blankly out the window. I "woke up" when I realized my stop was coming up. The bus stopped. I got off. The stairs to my shrine-home were infront of me, and I climbed and walked until I reached my home. I walked aimlessly, seeing yet not seeing where I was going.  
I stripped out of my torn clothes. they smelled of sweat. The Beast's and mine. It was a slut-dress. I'm a slut to wear it. I walked into my bathroom and started filling the tub with hot water.  
In my mind, things coursed through my head. Dark, sad, hopeless things that were filled with pain. Kikyo's things. Inuyasha things. Naraku things. Alcohol things. Pain things. Beast things. It overwhelmed me, swimming through my head in waves of depression. My mind was a pit of darkness, not a ray of light to sear the cold. I was numb.  
I walked briskly towards the mirror over my sink and opened it, revealing a cabinet. I sifted through the medication. What was there to live for? At that moment, I could truly say I had no answer. I had nothing left worth living for. The man I love seems to hate me, his dead ex is still his number one, and a man raped me while I was drunk. I was failing school, keeping up a cheerful mask, and my friends in my time period ditched me......gave up on me. There was nothing left.  
I had no medicine strong enough to overdose on. I decided on a razor. I picked up the pink Suave razor and walked over to the bathtub. I slipped into the scalding water and sat up. I stared at my wrists before I sawed into them with the razor. Blood flowed. The water had already taking on a pinkish hue around me. It would have only been a matter of time before I was free from all of my sorrows and misery.  
ThRu-----ThE-------eYeS---------oF-----------a-------------DoG-------------- -  
Something was not right. I could feel it in my bones as the rest of the shard hunting group and I approached Kaede's village. Throughout the day, this feeling had clawed at my insides. Like something bad was happening......something so horrible. It was like knowing the inevitable was going to happen and not being able to do anything. At the time this feeling was eating away at me, I did not know what caused it. All I knew was that I had felt this the day that horde of demon bastards had killed my mother.  
What could have been causing this? I did not know. But as we neared the village, we neared the well. And as we neared the well, that feeling grew stronger, putting a weight in my stomach.  
"Inuyasha," said Miroku in a slightly worried voice, "What's wrong? Your face tells me that something is causing you turmoil.  
I put on a mask of annoyance and snorted,"Feh. It's nothing. I'm just going to go get Kagome from her time. The bitch has been there too long."  
"For once I agree with you," Sango said in a serious tone, "She's been gone for two weeks. Ever since you had that fight. Something is wrong. Usually, she's back within three days at most,and sitting you until your back is about to snap."  
I took that as permission to fetch Kagome from her time. It has been a long time since she left......maybe I should apologize.....  
death-sadness-dispair-depression-lonely-darkness-suffocating-sorrow-pain- drowning-depression-suicide  
I jumped out of the old bone eating well, and stormed out of the rickety shack that protected it from the elements. I took a whiff of the air around me, walking while I sniffed. What I smelled stopped me in my tracks. Blood. Lots of blood. Lots of -Kagome's- blood. I was off in a heartbeat. I broke open the back door and leaped up the stairs. I ran towards Kagome's room and barged in. Empty. I smelled blood from the bathroom. There was enough blood so that a human could smell it. I slammed into the bathroom door.  
What I saw shocked me. Kagome was sitting in a tub filled with red water, a razor in her hand, wrists slit. Tears flowed down her cheeks like rivers, making a single streak of ghost-white skin on a bloodied face. She had a serene smile on her face.  
She was singing. Her voice was raspy and tired, with gasps between words. But she was still singing.  
  
"Aishiteta to nageku ni wa  
  
Amari ni mo toki wa sugi te shimatta  
  
Mada kokoro no hokorobi o  
  
Iyasenumama kaze ga fuiteru......  
Hitotsu no me de asu o mite  
  
Hitotsu no me de kinou mitsumeteru  
  
Kimi no ai no yurikagode  
  
Mo ichido yasurakani nemuretara......  
Kawaita hitomi de dareka na itekure......  
*The real folk blues  
  
Honto no kanashimi ga shiritaidake  
  
Doro no kawa ni sukatta jinsei mo warukuwanai  
  
Ichido kiri de owarunara......  
Kibou ni michita zetsuboto  
  
Wanagashikakerareteru kono chansu  
  
Nani ga yoku te warui no ka  
  
Koin no omoi to kuramitaita......  
Dore dake ikireba iyasareru no darou......  
The real folk blues  
  
Honto no yorokobi ga shiritai dake  
  
Hikaru mono no subete ga ougen to wa kagiranai....  
*The real folk blues  
  
Honto no kanashimi ga shiritaidake  
  
Doro no kawa ni sukatta jinsei mo warukuwanai  
  
Ichido kiri de owarunara..."  
The song ended with a last shuddering breath. HER last shuddering breath.  
There we go. Angst ridden. I finaly got to the suicide scene. 


	7. End To It All

Here's the last chapter. I'd like to thank my dear editor, Rin-chan and my friend Zel for helping me along the way. And to all my reviewers, a present. Check out verylowsodium.com for a laugh!  
I Want It To End!  
Chapter: End To It All  
Inuyasha's POV~  
It's been a year since she died. A year since Kagome left...my Kagome. My kind, loving Kagome. It's been one year since she had killed herself.  
  
Why did she do it? It had to have been because of me. I was always doing something wrong. Yelling at her, fighting with her, insulting her, controling her....I was such an ass. How could I have been such a bastard to her? And now she's dead. It's my fault. All my fault.....  
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~* ~~*~~*  
I am at Kagome's grave. Exactly one year ago, my love committed suicide. We had a lovely funeral, with oden and daisies.... I've only been holding on by a thread since the day we lowered her into the ground. I sunk into a deep depression and have been in it since I watched her take her last breath in her bathroom. I'd sit in the Go-shinboku for weeks at a time. Not even the promise of ramen could make me come down. It would never taste as good as Kagome's.  
Kagome's death brought Sango and Miroku together. They both lost their 'sister'. They grew close, comforting one another. The baby is due in a month and a half.  
Shippo....he's gone. Dead. He couldn't deal with the death of another parent. The grief swollowed him whole. He killed himself the day after he found out Kagome was dead. He took a bunch of small pills that Kagome had left behind. He took and entire bottle full of them. I found him curled up in his father's pelt, dead.  
I can't believe I've held on so long. I held on, but can't anymore. My father's sword is in my hand, as sharp as it can be. I slice my wrist exactly like Kagome did. I slide down to the ground and lean against her grave marker. I sit and wait to die.  
I can see her straing down at me, enveloping me in her arms. I can even smell her scent. The blood loss must finally be kicking in.  
I'm so tired. So damn tired. I think I'll close my eyes and wait.. Kagome, I'll be with you soon.  
THE END 


End file.
